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Chez Larsson

New Bedside Table

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After more than twenty years of completely different sleeping habits Martin and I now have separate bedrooms. There, I said it out loud! It's a slightly tabu subject it seems but after so many years we have finally come to our senses. Listen to this:

Martin walks around in shorts at home mid winter, never wears socks inside and thus likes the window wide open in the bedroom even with freezing temperatures outside. I on the other hand wear fleece pants, fleece sweater, wooly socks AND woolly slippers almost all year round. I climb into bed with the whole shebang on and maybe peel a sock or two off IF I get warm enough under the duvet.

Martin is an evening person. He gets his best work done about the time I feel it's way past my bedtime. I get up at seven on the weekends after having "slept in" for two hours as my regular wake up time is five.

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When Mini was injured back in April and needed a lot of attention we felt sorry for Bonus because we could tell he felt left out so Martin started sleeping in the boatroom and kept Bonus in there at night with him. Not only could I make sure Mini was alright at night in our bedroom, knew Bonus was fine downstairs with Martin but I also realised I hadn't slept so well in years (20+ actually…). Oh, forgot to mention the teensy fact that Martin snores so loud he could wake a bear in hibernation and used to wake me about three times a night.

So after Mini was finally well after more than nine weeks we realised that we had both been able to do our thing, Martin could read in bed all night without me asking him to turn the lights out and I could get up and make the bad early in the morning and start my day without having to wait until he was ready to get up. All too good to want to go back to before.

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Hence our new sleeping arrangements. Me upstairs in the  bedroom and Martin downstairs in the boatroom. Bliss!

And to the point here, I hear you say. Point is Martin needed a bedside table and because the space downstairs in the boatroom is very limited because of the doorway we built a bespoke narrow wall hung thingy. Just deep enough for those Nautica book he likes to read all night and enough space for a glass of water and an alarm clock.

Wanna know how to build one? Tune in next week for a how-to.

60 Comments

  • Nicole H. says:

    I don’t know why separate bedrooms are so taboo. I’m not married but I figure it’s more important what you do together when you’re awake 🙂

  • M.Winter says:

    Ohhhhhh I hear you about the snoring and ice cold temps! I so wish me and my husband could have separate rooms!

  • Yvonne says:

    You’re not alone Benita. Bo and I have separate bedrooms too as we keep each other awake at night. Bo snores and I’m a tosser ;o) So I toss even more when Bo snores so in the end I keep kicking him and he keeps kicking me. With the new house and all the extra rooms we’ve decided to have separate bedrooms too and it’s bliss – I know exactly what you are talking about. I feel rested during the day since 12 years – I used to be a zombie most of the day and get that “I want to go to bed” at 16:00 almost every day and now I can keep going and my skin looks better too LOL!

  • ibb says:

    That´s ok if you feel confortable.

  • Mia says:

    Ler när jag läser och känner precis igen mig/oss i dig och Martin. Tanken började växa här i våras men har ännu inte landat i praktiken. En major omorganisation av rum är nämligen då ett måste. Men nu efter ditt inlägg kanske jag/vi “orkar” ta tag i det.
    Sov gott!
    Ps. Hoppas det är ok att skriva en rad på Svenska. Ds.

  • Catherine says:

    Good for you!! I wish we had enough rooms to do this. Oh, the snoring.

  • Benita – you are so not alone at all. My partner and I decided if either of us wanted to get any sleep separate rooms was our only solution. He could cut through concrete with his snoring and I use to get so angry with him that I would still be annoyed during the day. I need a full eight hours of uninterrupted sleep otherwise I am a nightmare during the day.
    Again i agree with Nicole H – its what you do while you are awake that counts and we get on so much better when we both have had a good nights sleep.
    Mel

  • Maggie says:

    sleep is too precious to worry about keeping up appearances. so glad the solution appeared for you.

  • Shelly says:

    My parents and grandparents do this…I’m still new in my relationship where we live together and share the same room, but I do think we would sleep better in seperate rooms…I snore and like to stay up late, he goes to bed early and wakes early. Good for you for being smart!
    Oh and I love the table!

  • Erin says:

    Sometimes I think this would be better for everyone! We used to be able to comfortably sleep in the living room in our old house. I tried it a while back when my husband was sick and it was the worst nights sleep I’ve had in a long time. It is nice to have an extra sleeping space for times when it is needed.
    Erin 🙂

  • Sandy says:

    My husband and I also have separate rooms, mostly due to his snoring. We’ve been married for almost 12 years and have had separate rooms for about the last 4 years. He is a night owl, so when I’m ready for bed, he comes up and hangs out with me for 15-30 minutes and when I’m ready to close my eyes, he heads back downstairs to do whatever it is the night people do. We are both much happier with this arrangement. I think a lot more people do this and just don’t talk about it.

  • Peacock Chic says:

    it is so sad that people suffer just to keep up appearances. Good for you and your new full night’s sleep.

  • Astrid says:

    And where is the clock from? 🙂

  • sherrieg says:

    That’s a fantastic situation! There’s nothing worth more than a good night’s sleep. I looooove that the nightstand is up off of the floor for easy cleaning!

  • Jacqueline says:

    totally get it. it took me about 20 years to realize this as well! Did Thomas Mann say : “I shall need to sleep three weeks on end to get rested from the rest I’ve had”….
    Love the nightstand. A question from yesterday’s great poster post- your hurricane candle covers (glass) and the candles too – can you share where they are from. I really like the straight lines. I have been looking for a long time but always see curvy ones, or those with a base. And the candles too? How do you clean the wax out at the end of the candles’ life? I love everything about that photo from yesterday – including the wood horse (?)
    Enjoy the wonderful effects of a good night of sleep!-day after day!
    (p.s. will this translate into any new bedroom design elements that you choose just for you; that Martin chooses just for him?)

  • Franziska says:

    my parents have separate bedrooms, too 😉 At present I cannot imagine to have separate ones but maybe the point in time arrives that we will do it like this, too.

  • kelli says:

    to each, their own. people assume their are marital problems, i think. there are as many different ways to do something as there are people in this world.

  • Casey says:

    seperate bedrooms is what we need around here too but hubby is very against it, when he’s away at work I sleep AMAZING! I guess the closest we come to seperate beds is we each have our own blankets, we gave up sharing a couple years ago because one of us would always wake up with no blanket in the middle of the night, we both like to hog 🙂
    I really like the table!

  • Lisa Z says:

    Love the table! I can’t wait to see how you made it.
    I know a lot of married couples sleep separately. After 14.5 years, I’m getting ready to suggest it sometimes too. We don’t sleep too badly together, but I would love my own space sometimes. I am not much of a snuggler when I’m sleeping, never have been. Well, we’ll see.
    Good for you and Martin, and thanks for sharing that!

  • Messy says:

    Wow, I’m surprised about how many people do this! But you should not lose a minute of sleep (haha) over what the taboo is, so good for you. I could never do it though. I like sleeping together! For the same reason, I have always wondered how people with very different sleeping habits and daily routines ever make a relationship work. I guess now I know. 😉 You must have a great respect for your differences.
    More to the point: how is that small thing ever going to accommodate all Martins clutter?? I love it though, your diy projects are always so beautifully done. You must have given this one quite a few coats of paint… I will patiently await the tutorial.

  • Julia says:

    So… are you saying that chances that my husband and I align our sleeping patterns are scarce? After 7 years we’re still like the first day: him a light sleeper and early bird who needs absolute darkness, me a sound sleeper and night owl who likes to sleep in the sunlight.
    Sounds like an intelligent arrangement, but too much of a taboo for me. I don’t see myself popping up the question to my husband, even if it is very hypothetical – when you live in a one bedroom flat those questions are for small talk, don’t you think?

  • My husband and I have very similar sleep schedules and sleep very well together. But it would still be fun to have my own room and bed LOL! I sleep so good alone in bed when he’s out of town (other than being paranoid of being home alone with the kids).

  • Stephanie says:

    I think a lot of people do this — or wish they could! I have friends who swear they couldn’t stay together if they slept in the same bed.

  • Brenda says:

    I end up sleeping in the living room nearly everynight, because my husband’s snoring keeps me awake. He does not understand why I always end up in the other room.
    I think having our own rooms would be great.
    I could get some good sleep, and not have to deal with his clutter.
    My husband’s aunt and uncle each had their own bedroom.
    I remember when I was dating dh, they took us on a tour of their new house, and showed us the ‘his’ and ‘hers’ bedrooms. At the time I did not get it. I do now.
    We also deal with the night owl and early bird issues.

  • Chloe says:

    I don’t see what the big fuss about not sharing a bedroom with your partner is. I suppose it’s because people assume there is no intimacy, however I find that much easier when I am not sleep deprived. Plus, you each have a bit of your own privacy and autonomy and some mystery, too.
    Love the night side table!

  • Messy says:

    Well said Chloe.
    One more thing: if the only reason you’re not sleeping in the same bed with your partner is his/her snoring (or your own), see if you can get it fixed by a physician! There are ways, and it’s worth it!

  • carol k says:

    I am embarrassed to say I am the snoring partner. I recently went to a sleep clinic and found I do have sleep apnea(?) As far as marital sleeping arrangements, it is whatever works. Separate bedrooms in my grandmothers day were much more the norm. My parents always had separate mattresses. 1 very soft and the other like brick.
    Sleep is so essential to my well being that if I don’t get enough I am not functional. The night stand is gorgeous.

  • carol k says:

    P.S. Where did you find the cute quilted coverlet for the bed?

  • Messy says:

    carol k, a colleague of mine had his sleep apneu treated and his snoring is now almost gone, and he sleeps better. It wasn’t very bad yet though, maybe he got to it on time, not sure how it works.

  • Jean says:

    I’m so glad you’re getting a good night’s rest now! The table is adorable-looking forward to finding out more.

  • quinn says:

    I think it’s lovely that your concern for the health and happiness of both cats led you and Martin to this new idea for your own day-to-day life. Cats are amazing quality-of-life enhancers! The reason I have always found good places to live is that I felt responsible for giving the cats a good life. And as a result, I have lived in beautiful places, surrounded by nature!

  • Karen says:

    Awesome night stand. Thanks for being so honest. I totally understand.

  • Ksenia in Canada says:

    I know a woman who wants to separate from her husband. After quizzing her, I found out that it’s mostly so that she can have her own room. Talk about throwing away the bath with the bathwater! She hadn’t really considered the idea that it’s OK for couples to have separate bedrooms. Marriage is a Long Time. It might be OK to put up with a suboptimal sleeping situation for a few years, but not for the rest of one’s married life. Good for you Mr. and Mrs. L.!

  • Debkb says:

    Just thought I’d give you another thumbs up on the sleeping apart. Husband and I have had separate bedrooms for about 5-6 years now. Basically same reasons as you two, I’m an early riser and he snores, LOUDLY!

  • Jean S says:

    whatever works! Just keep those blog entries coming….

  • Jen says:

    Bravo Benita! Virginia Woolf said “Every woman needed a room of her own” and she said, “If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”

  • April says:

    Have you considered getting two twin mattresses and pressing them together on a King size box spring? That way you have your own mattress and own blankets, but you’re still together.
    Of course, if the problem is noise (snoring, sleep talking, etc) that won’t work, but it’s just a suggestion. 🙂

  • It’s from a local mail order company and it was cheap! The pillows match. Not the best of quality but I love it anyway:)

  • Kate says:

    I know what you mean about taboo. One of my friends complains bitterly about her husband’s sleeping habits, but every time I suggest, tactfully, that maybe seperate rooms…? She is shocked! She seems to feel that it admits some sort of failure. But I think that that is worse than silly!
    Every relationship has different needs, and as someone who needs a lot of sleep and a lot of private time, I applaud your move to make your living arrangements fit your needs! Enjoy your peaceful nights!

  • Thank you all sooooo much for the sweet comments! It’s been great reading that there are many more out there with similar issues and sleeping arrangements.

  • Bex says:

    Seperate bedrooms is soooooo common in Japan. When people would take me on a little tour of their house they would often show me their room & then the husband’s room. At first it was strange to me but now that we have kids, Mark & I are very much in other rooms at night.
    Sleep is so VERY important! XXxx.

  • sarah says:

    my husband and i have different sleeping habits too, and i (secretly) fantasize about separate bedrooms ; )

  • Caroline says:

    My husband & I have been sleeping (mostly) separate for several years. He snores like a chain saw, thrashes & gets hot. I’m a light sleeper & often cold – not a great combo for getting a good night’s rest. Its just not a big deal to either of us. We both sleep better and that is REALLY IMPORTANT for health, both mental & physical. 🙂

  • oh holland says:

    I always thought it would be so cosmopolitan to have separate bedrooms — husband would furnish his his way, I would decorate mine to my taste. “Visiting” each other’s domain would be a sexy adventure (-!)
    Of course, you should not listen to me. I do dog rescue and have discovered that 1 woman + 6 dogs = 0 husbands. (And no, the dogs don’t have their own bedrooms. They sleep in mine — or should I say, ours!)

  • Cussot says:

    My favourite sleeping arrangement with my mate was when we had two single futons. We put them end to end and either slept with our feet touching or our heads. During the day we folded up the ends of the frames to form one great big sofa. It was great! No more blanket hogging …

  • Nu ligger vi som en enda stor ormgrop ihop på nätterna, men en sak som jag tror är helt mysig när man har separerade sovrum det är de där inbjudningarna – “kom in till mig vettja på saft bullar and me vett´ja!” 🙂

  • Sanna says:

    We sleep in separate bedrooms too. Lemme tell you, it wierds people out. There’s “my” bedroom and “his” bedroom. This summer I got a REAL BED. It’s awesome! For a year, I’ve slept on (in order): the couch, the floor, the couch, a 110cm mattress on the floor, the couch, a blowupmattress, a pipesmokestinking bed (Blocket faliure – paid 3000 for the piece of ****) and now I finally have my own 90-bed. Also blocket and in reality too hard for my weight, but I couldn’t care less!
    He can snore and/or stay up late. He’s got a space I don’t enter unless it is to clean or I’m invited. His back doesn’t hurt anymore. I have room to have cats in my bed, I can sleep in a light begie-coloured room instead of a deep, dark blue room (his bedroom wallpaper is marine). I have a roof light! I can light it!
    All said and done, it’s totally, totally, awesome!

  • Helena says:

    Dear Benita, Wish I could do the same but unfortunately there is no place for another room. My husband also snores, ughh!…..

  • Rebecca says:

    Oh for a room of my own! I would love that.

  • jja says:

    “carol k, a colleague of mine had his sleep apneu treated and his snoring is now almost gone, and he sleeps better. I”
    Plus it is dangerous to live with serious sleep apnea. My husband had op. and makes no noise any more. I like to sleep together. I do go later to sleep and read/blog in the living room, and he sleeps longer on weekends, but during the night it is cozy and nice.
    And do love the new bedside table!
    But I would like to have a room of my own for a daytime. I have my home office/hobby room but we share this one.

  • sylvia says:

    HA HA HA! Ditto….

  • Petra from NL says:

    Can’t wait for the “how-to”. This is just what we need, having only 30cm between doorframe and bed…

  • Inger Burg says:

    Hi, I totally understand your problem and I’m so glad you wrote this. I told some friends that my husband and I sleep apart…WHATTT! They couldn’t understand it! But he has get out of bed at 4.30 a.m. and sometimes at 2.30 a.m. So I couldn’t sleep anymore and the alarm still goes of at 07.00 a.m. I’m a light sleeper and he snorks. Since 1 child has moved to the other room, we sleep separately. And it was the best thing we could do. We still love each other and sometimes we sleep together, haha (everybody asks when will you have sex!! and my answer is..do you have it every night while you sleep together. The answer is no (blushing).
    Love your house and blog.
    Greetings from Holland.

  • carol k says:

    Thanks jja- Its very kind of you to write this.
    I have had the sleep study done and I have mild apnea, but a machine was recommended (to assist breathing).
    My next visit is to get fitted for the machine.

  • Anne says:

    Having my own bed was one of the treats I discovered after the divorce (sooo many others too though, but you know that ;-)). If I ever will live together with someone again seperate bedrooms are the thing. You don’t have to do everything together just because you love each other. Sleeping is something I do best alone (I was very bothered when the children were little and came to my bed all the time, didn’t sleep at all).

  • Arzu says:

    I really enjoy your blog and appreciate the time you put in it. Would love to find out where you got the alarm clock from.

  • It’s from a local store but a cheap knock off from one which used to be available at Muji.

  • Michèle says:

    Sleeping apnea might be very dangerous.It may affect your cardiac health. My partner used to snore like noone else ! He was registered up to 90 decibels in hospital and had up to 30 apneas per hour… Now he breathes with a machine that blows air in his nose. I now sleep and he does too (cause apnea really disturbed his sleep too). And we still sleep in the same room (same bed in fact 🙂
    By the way, love the bedside table !

  • drey says:

    hehehehe i loved this post. martin could be me and my husband could be you. down to the T. we’d LOVE separate bedrooms but the whole taboo thing “is everything okay with your marriage” is a hard one to break for right now since my in laws are super conservative.
    on another note, i love that cute bedside! (okay i love everything about your home)
    drey (http://bijoukaleidoscope.blogspot.com)

  • Cat Silver says:

    I’m a little late to comment here, but I also discovered the bliss of separate bedrooms. Three years into my marriage and sleep deprived, due to my husband’s restless legs, nightmares and snoring (like a jet engine), I was ready to drown myself. I tried the spare bedroom and re-discovered blissful sleep. Unlike your husband, mine is not entirely pleased with the arrangement. He would like to have me with him, but understands my need for a good nights rest.
    LOVE the table. Planning to make one for my husband this week.